Life is a funny thing. Wake up on the right side of the bed, begin the day with a workout and a hot shower and a nutritious breakfast, leave for work on time, and you get a feeling like you can conquer the world, like you've got it all together. Then one rescheduled meeting or rude e-mail from a client or spilled coffee on your shirt can bring you down so fast it feels like you're falling off a cliff. Then someone says you have cute shoes, or your paycheck clears, and all of a sudden everything is okay again.
This week has been very tumultuous for me. I'm not entirely sure why, but somehow when Monday morning rolled around, after a great, refreshing weekend, I just felt heavy. I had that weird breakdown about my driver's license, and a bad attitude at work. Tuesday was a little better. The boy and I have been looking for a house, and we thought we found the perfect place in a cute neighborhood, and we submitted our lease application on Tuesday. On Tuesday night, we drove out to a church where one of his coworkers is involved in their young professionals/college ministry (I think that's what it is) to see a performance by Jim Munroe, an illusionist who does a tour called The Maze. It was possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen - you should check it out (here) if you have a chance.
Wednesday started off okay. I ate a healthy breakfast and made it to work on time. After work I had a very satisfying gym experience - I really love the feeling of being tired and happy and post-workout sweaty, knowing you did something hard and earned the right to relax. But then Wednesday night, we came back to the house situation and realized that we can't really afford the rent on the house that I fell in love with - well, actually, we can afford it, but it's at the top of our budget and doesn't leave us with the wiggle room we'd like. So we had to tell them no. And I know it's not a big deal, really, because there are a million rent houses out there and we still have almost two months to look. But I wanted that one, and it made my heart hurt to pick the smart financial decision instead of fulfilling my desire to live in that house. Sometimes being a grown-up is not too fun.
I don't know if this story is really about celebrating my life. I don't know if it's really going anywhere at all - which is kind of how I feel about my life a lot of times. But there's still something beautiful in the transitive and mysterious qualities our lives have. There are always going to be hard decisions, like whether I can afford this or that, and why can't I spend $900 on a pair of shoes (I ask myself this a lot), and things you have to do but don't want to do, like doing your dishes and spending money on the cell phone bill and showing up on time to work. But there are also these moments of sunlight that break through the clouds of your day, like a good hard workout followed by a nutritious dinner, like a show that makes you laugh and then makes you think, like cuddling with someone you love until its way too late at night. And there's still a little thrill in wondering where you'll live, what path your career will take, who you'll meet tomorrow. It's those things I want to cling to each and every day, rather than living in flux, wondering when the next incident will shatter my mood. Life is exciting (yes, even yours, even mine) if we take the time to think about it instead of letting everything roll right by us. I don't know about you, but I'd rather see my life as an adventure.
This week has been very tumultuous for me. I'm not entirely sure why, but somehow when Monday morning rolled around, after a great, refreshing weekend, I just felt heavy. I had that weird breakdown about my driver's license, and a bad attitude at work. Tuesday was a little better. The boy and I have been looking for a house, and we thought we found the perfect place in a cute neighborhood, and we submitted our lease application on Tuesday. On Tuesday night, we drove out to a church where one of his coworkers is involved in their young professionals/college ministry (I think that's what it is) to see a performance by Jim Munroe, an illusionist who does a tour called The Maze. It was possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen - you should check it out (here) if you have a chance.
Wednesday started off okay. I ate a healthy breakfast and made it to work on time. After work I had a very satisfying gym experience - I really love the feeling of being tired and happy and post-workout sweaty, knowing you did something hard and earned the right to relax. But then Wednesday night, we came back to the house situation and realized that we can't really afford the rent on the house that I fell in love with - well, actually, we can afford it, but it's at the top of our budget and doesn't leave us with the wiggle room we'd like. So we had to tell them no. And I know it's not a big deal, really, because there are a million rent houses out there and we still have almost two months to look. But I wanted that one, and it made my heart hurt to pick the smart financial decision instead of fulfilling my desire to live in that house. Sometimes being a grown-up is not too fun.
I don't know if this story is really about celebrating my life. I don't know if it's really going anywhere at all - which is kind of how I feel about my life a lot of times. But there's still something beautiful in the transitive and mysterious qualities our lives have. There are always going to be hard decisions, like whether I can afford this or that, and why can't I spend $900 on a pair of shoes (I ask myself this a lot), and things you have to do but don't want to do, like doing your dishes and spending money on the cell phone bill and showing up on time to work. But there are also these moments of sunlight that break through the clouds of your day, like a good hard workout followed by a nutritious dinner, like a show that makes you laugh and then makes you think, like cuddling with someone you love until its way too late at night. And there's still a little thrill in wondering where you'll live, what path your career will take, who you'll meet tomorrow. It's those things I want to cling to each and every day, rather than living in flux, wondering when the next incident will shatter my mood. Life is exciting (yes, even yours, even mine) if we take the time to think about it instead of letting everything roll right by us. I don't know about you, but I'd rather see my life as an adventure.
No comments:
Post a Comment