Prof

If you live in Dallas, you might have heard a loud growl and clap of thunder this morning around 5:30 am. You may have seen a bright flash of lightning accompanying the thunder. It was the only thunder anyone heard all morning, and you can think whatever you want about that. My family and I have already decided it was the sound of one of God's warriors going home at last. 

I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm not quite sure why - I think of ideas that I plan to write about, but I can never fully commit. Maybe my everyday life doesn't move me to eloquence - maybe it should, but it doesn't. But grief is a powerful motivator, and this time, I might actually hit the publish button. This morning (around 5:30 am, if you haven't guessed), my grandfather Howard "Prof" Hendricks left this world and met his Savior face to face. As my aunt said, "Heaven has expanded a little, but here, we are diminished by that much more."

My grandfather was a giant of a man, a theologian, who lived and loved to teach and to powerfully expound upon the glorious mysteries of the word of God. He was not in his element playing with young grandchildren, and my deepest sadness in this is that I enjoyed so little time with him during my adult years, when it would have been possible to sit at the feet of a scholar beloved by so many and discuss with him both the vital importance of God's word and the prospects of the Cowboys' season with [near] equal passion. In some ways, I feel like the students and alumni of Dallas Theological Seminary have a better frame of reference for Granddaddy and what his life was about than I.

But as I began to think about it, it occurred to me how many mentors and counselors and teachers I have been blessed with in my time. A middle school bible study leader, a host of college students at camp during my adolescence and then leaders, some of them wise theologians in their own right, while working at camp during college. Pastors and group leaders, in different stages of learning. And then it struck me. My middle school leader had gone to DTS, and taken Prof's classes. My pastors, my group leaders, many of them have benefited from the wisdom of Living by the Book or Teaching to Change Lives. My husband and I received premarital counseling from another of Prof's students and colleagues, sitting in his former office at DTS. And then there is Pine Cove, where I spent many hours of joy, pain, brokenness and healing, where I first claimed Jesus as my Lord. It was first conceived and prayed over in the 1960s by four men in a boat - one of whom was my grandfather. Despite having never entered one of his seminary classes at all, my life and faith has nonetheless been profoundly and utterly impacted by the work of my grandfather and his faithful service to the King.

I have heard that Granddaddy said that you will never understand what it means to live a fulfilled life until you have changed someone else's. Clearly, he changed the lives of many - including mine. He didn't come from privilege, or a loving home of faith - and yet God used him in ways that will echo for decades and centuries to come. I am struck by this, and I wonder: who will be impacted by my life in such a way? If anything, the life of Howard Hendricks - even as it ends - spurs me to act, to do things that matter and stop wasting time, as we have no time to waste. I do not want to look back and find that I have lived a life that mattered little. It is my prayer that we might all love Jesus as deeply as my granddad did, and because of that love, go forth and impact someone else's life.

Granddaddy, you were - and are - dearly loved, and you will be deeply missed. Thank you for the echoes you have left behind on so many hearts. Hallelujah, we will meet again.

getaway

Wow... it's been a while since I blogged. Weird how life gets so busy. I actually kept promising myself I was going to blog in the evening - but then, I had to run errands or go workout or go to events or see my fiance, or the internet at my place wasn't working properly - and I just never got around to it. So, if you spend your days hanging onto my every word, I apologize for disappointing you for almost a month.

It has been quite a summer so far. I don't remember my summers in childhood being this busy or stressful - maybe they were for my parents, I don't know. It's nice to have a lot of things to keep me occupied, but sometimes I think I wouldn't mind getting home at 5:30 and just doing nothing for a few hours. Wedding planning is coming along - things keep coming up that I forgot about, but we're dealing with it. I had a nightmare earlier in the month that it was the day before the wedding and I realized I never ordered invitations - but in real life I ordered them last weekend, so hopefully that prediction won't come true. This summer has really seen a lot of change - I feel like half my friends are moving away from Dallas, which is so sad, but they are all going to take on exciting new challenges in their new homes, which is awesome for them. And of course, I'm finally started to get settled in the new place, although the decor is half-finished and looks super weird right now. The cat is (hopefully? tentatively?) making his first solo run into the great outdoors this weekend, and I am gathering a large collection of kitchen appliances in much better condition than what I currently own, thanks to Jonathan's and my generous and wonderful friends and family members.

I was able to go to Fredericksburg with the boy and his parents over the first weekend of July. That was so fun because I love being down there, and he got to see the place we're getting married for the first time (obviously he loved it)! They actually gave us a tour of the winery - super cool. I wish I was rich so I could start a vineyard.

at Becker Vineyards with my handsome fiance

Another highlight was the fresh peaches from the Texas Hill Country (the best) - although we had some really nasty peach "ice cream" basically tasted like frozen half and half with some peach chunks in it. Not good. But the peaches themselves were AWESOME. I love stone fruit in the summer. It just feels so right.

peachy goodness.

We stayed in a big ranch house out away from town. It was so quiet and peaceful - the property had longhorns roaming around on it, not to mention deer and antelope. The next door neighbor had peacocks roaming around too - talk about weird birds. My favorite wildlife were the hummingbirds. I love them so much. I never knew Texas had a hummingbird population (because I always associate them with trips to Colorado) so I was really excited to see hummingbird feeders on the porch.

and the sunsets were great.

I love those short weekend trips you can take in the summer. It's just so nice to get away and enjoy time with the people you love. Even though I spent a large part of my weekend running around doing wedding things, I still loved having the chance to get away from Dallas and chill. When you get up before 8 am pretty much every day, even being able to sleep for an extra hour is a huge blessing.

So if anyone feels like turning to me for advice in a time of need/stress/what have you, here's mine: go away. Just grab a friend (take me!) and go somewhere scenic, and detox for a few hours, a few days, whatever you've got available. It's those moments that make summer so great.

And for the love of God, eat a fresh peach.

PS this is the fruit pizza I made for the 4th of July. It's my favorite holiday. It was DELICIOUS.

Yum. America.

Inspiration Station

It's been sort of a while since I blogged - I literally did not know that life could be so busy and so many things could take place all at once. Since a large percentage of that is self imposed, I will stop there and not complain about my life this time.

Lately, I've been feeling very restless - ironic, since I'm so busy, no? And yet. It's like I live in reality, which is full of work and meetings and working out and e-mails and cleaning and dealing with Mr. Bratty Cat, who does not get that he needs a rabies shot before he can go roam outside and the vet is only open at weird times and I didn't have the energy to take him last weekend. But there's like this other world, almost, which is so close I can taste it - and it's full of mountains and oceans and swimming and hiking and snow cones and long lazy days where I make salads full of deliciousness and eat them with crusty bread and good wine and homemade ice cream and a lot of friends. I blame Pinterest for this vision of life. Pinterest, and professional bloggers. You guys stink. But I love you. But seriously, your lives are unfairly awesome and the rest of us are jealous.

Anyway... even though I may have to content myself with merely wishing I was a lot cooler than I am, all this pinning and reading other people's blogs has made me feel quite inspired, and therefore I am going to share with you an unnecessarily long list of the things that inspire me today, and perhaps someone out there will also feel inspired and go do something with it that is devastatingly chic. So here you go!

Kristin's Nuggets of Inspiration:

1. Snow cones with frozen yogurt swirled in. TC's Shaved Ice, Dallas folks. Get into it.

2. Swimming in the ocean. Or in a pool. Just - swimming.

3. Industrial-style furniture and decor. I am dying over this bookcase.

via Home Decorators. Please come live with me.

4. Fresh berries that you just wash and eat straight up.

5. Art Deco jewelry - I should probably buy these earrings because I have been lusting after them for months, literally.

House of Harlow earrings from The Trend Boutique.

6. Antlers. I know that sounds weird. It's cool. I just love the organic shapes and the geometry of them. I don't want to kill deer.

7. Ice cream. Homemade. Sundaes. Whatever. Always.

8. Colored denim (me and everyone else in the world, right?)

9. Chambray and white.

10. Chevrons. I. AM. OBSESSED.

This online retailer sells decals for your walls. Obviously I want these.

11. Maps.

12. Chalkboards and/or surfaces covered in chalkboard paint.

13. French, anything and everything. J'adore, oui?

14. Horizontal nautical stripes. I cannot wear Breton stripes (thanks, genetics) and it makes me so mad! But still, I love it.

via Refinery29. Check the bag, y'all.

15. Biking. I have a mad urge to bike to work. Of course, it's 106 outside and we don't have a shower here... but nonetheless.

16. Superfoods... chia, matcha, flax, etc.

17. Lemon flavored things.

18. Flavored coffee... creme brulee and southern pecan are my current favorites. Central Market, get there!

19. Yoga inversions. Crow pose and a headstand against the wall are about my limits at this point, but I wish that I could do more!

20. Black and white graphic patterns.

21. Polished menswear. Gotta make the boy look good!

22. This and all summer cakes with more fruit than cake:

Smitten Kitchen.

23. Indie jams - The Naked and Famous, Fun., Kisses, The Xx, Dirty Projectors. Check it out.

24. Hardcore workouts... I've been doing Insanity with the boy. Someday my abs will look like Tanya's (no, they won't. She probably doesn't like chocolate as much as me).

25. The beach. Closely related to swimming, and yet different.

26. Typography - always. If you use Comic Sans, we ain't friends.

27. Fireflies.

the coolest photo EVER, from the design ark.

28. Sweet tea vodka.

29. Fresh herbs. I'm obsessed with having an herb garden.

30. Understated stud earrings.

31. Vegan recipes. I am not vegan, and I like cheese and ice cream too much to become so, but I kind of wish I was. To justify the expense of the vegan foods I want to buy.

32. Monograms. And also giant letters in people's home decor.

33. Late summer nights, wine with friends. Patios. Stars. Candles.

34. Kitty cats!

35. Puppies! I really want one. Don't tell Dragon. 

36. Little white dresses (I'm on a rehearsal dinner outfit quest).

37. Personal reading books - right now, I've got a Christian growth book (Desiring God by John Piper), I just finished The Magicians by Lev Grossman, and next up is a personal finance book (don't laugh at me! Budgets are sexy.)

38. Grilled pizza. Grilled fruit. Grilled avocado.

39. The Lumineers. It's a band. You should know about it.

40. Floating the river, swimming holes, camping, and anything remotely related. Did I mention swimming?

Okay, I think that's enough. Remember, love life, be inspired, even if your office has no windows and your town is so hot you can't even breathe when you walk outside. Have a sno cone and go for a swim. It will be okay. Happy Wednesday!

Sweet Summertime

Well, summer kind of snuck up on me this year. I mean, here in Dallas we basically bypassed winter altogether and skipped to spring, except for one or two extra-chilly nights in there, so I guess in a way it's been summer since April. It's been 90 degrees since April, but all you Texans know that's practically a balmy spring day in these parts.

I think probably summer caught me off guard because I am a crazy person these days, with no idea where I'm going or what's going on or what ten million things I'm forgetting to do at any given point. I thought this would improve after the move, but it turns out that once you move, all your stuff stays in ugly boxes on the floor until you take the time to unpack them and hang your photos and rearrange all your furniture and whatnot. And if you go out of town four days after moving, it's unlikely that those things will get done. And then all of a sudden we're nearing the three-month mark till the wedding (which: what?) and there's fifty decisions I never even considered making, and I missed a week of work so I have approximately three million e-mails to catch up on, and yesterday my fridge was basically empty except for a tiny hunk of cheese, some wilted parsley, a lemon, and an assortment of sauces and vinegars and some tortillas. Not an inspiring selection - ergo a trip to the grocery store.

All this to say - somehow it became summer, and I was unprepared.

Photo is from here.

I forgot that it sucks to run outside when it's 95 degrees and that hydration is important, and I forgot that we've moved on from spring produce and it's now, like, stone fruit and summer squash season. What I didn't forget is that summer, season of childhood memories and fun and water and sunshine and popsicles, loses a lot of its luster when you're a twenty-something with no kids, no money, and taking more than two days off work in a row is "frowned upon" at the office. You know what's fun about summer? No school. But if you're not in school, then summer mostly consists of... work. And work, when it's ten bajillion degrees outside, just sounds exhausting, doesn't it? Summer becomes much less about camp and vacation and pool days and sunscreen and waterskiing and cookouts, and much more about sitting in an office, going home while it's still hot, you don't want to move because it's so disgusting outside, your apartment is like a sauna but your air conditioning bill is already a thousand dollars, etc. 

I don't want to hate summer.

This summer, I'm going to try to make the most of it. Even though I sit in an office all day. Summer gets me all excited in a certain way, when I think about jumping into the lake from the dock, eating snow cones on a hot afternoon, being outdoors, even sweating with that good burning air in my lungs while I'm attempting to exercise. There's just a magical quality about summer, and I want it to apply to my life now, not just the life I wish I had where I get to spend my days however and wherever I want. I probably need to start with getting organized and getting all the less-fun stuff out of the way (like unpacking my boxes). And then I can start. The fall is for change, and new things, and fresh crisp air. But summer is for long, slow days, ice cubes that melt into your drink, food that you don't have to bake, the slow dying of campfires and the drowsy feeling you get from too much sun. While I have it, I plan to relish that feeling.

Who's in?

Move On

Here's to all those times I said I liked being busy: this month has really made me eat my words. I think I've reached uncharted territory in terms of being overcommitted. If you don't know, having a busy job/work life, moving, planning a wedding, and occasionally trying to fit in an errand or a meal or a workout or some sleep, is a lot of work. But it's the last day of May, and I'm still alive, so I'm counting that as victory!

Y'all, moving is possibly one of the worst experiences a person can have. Somehow, when you start packing, you think to yourself, "I don't have that much stuff after all - this will be easy!" And then, before you know it, it's 10 am on moving day and everyone is here to take your stuff and it just keeps popping out from nowhere and you're running out of boxes and people are trying to take your trash pile down to the moving truck, because that's what the rest of your stuff looks like too, and then once you somehow get everything loaded, moved, and unloaded, you find yourself surrounded by boxes in an unfamiliar apartment, and your cat's freaking out because he doesn't know what stairs are. Or maybe that's just what happens to me.

Kitty in a box.

The worst part has been that it just won't end. I feel like I've been moving for six days. There are still boxes everywhere (although the place looks slightly more like a home and slightly less like the set of a disaster movie), I only just finished getting everything out of the old place and still haven't "checked out" of there, and I just found out that all my hard work putting the kitchen and bathroom stuff in cabinets was wasted, because there's an exterminator coming on Wednesday who demands that I remove all of it from said cabinets for spraying purposes. Also, this place is far away from where I used to live, and every morning I'm late to work because I forget how much further I have to drive. I'm obviously not quite as familiar with the neighborhood as I'd like to think - this morning I went running, and I got confused, and my 3 mile day turned into a 5.5 mile day. In a thunderstorm. At 6 am. Whoops!

And yet, I think this place has potential. If I ever get my stuff unpacked, I can tell this place can be a home, not just the place I sleep and keep my groceries and my cat. It's an older building, and I think that gives it more character than my previous apartment had. It's less college, and more real adult life, and it feels like the beginning of something, even while gazing helplessly at an endless pile of cardboard boxes, coffee cup clenched in one hand like it's going to help me fix the problem. This is the place where I will be a wife for the first time, where we will make memories and laugh and cry and hang up pictures and buy new furniture. I'll cook meals on that stove, bake cookies in that oven, make the house smell like coffee every morning. I'll leave my shoes by the door and throw my clothes on the floor instead of hanging them up like I'm supposed to. The boy will probably leave dishes in the sink and will provide the addition of several (lovely, I'm sure) pieces of artwork prominently featuring golf, which I'll have to hang somewhere (second bedroom? just kidding).

That's what's lovely about moving, despite how unpleasant it can be. You're moving on, you're packing up your life, you're letting go of the times you spent in the place you used to live, but you're headed towards something. It's new, it's an adventure, and it may be full of boxes now, but in a few months, it will be full of friends and memories and laughter and tears and life. That's the hope that keeps me going, and I find it to be worth celebrating.

The Waiting Game

For those of you who don't know, I have a cat. His name is Dragon, and he is an adorable, annoying, cuddly, friendly little turd with an amazing amount of hair, which he routinely leaves all over every surface of my apartment. He wakes me up at 5 am by scratching on anything that makes a lot of noise, and he never wants to play except when I'm busy doing something else. He doesn't know it yet, but he is preparing to return to his natural habitat - the Great Outdoors - so my new place will not suffer the same terrible fate of Kitty Claws (I hope and pray).

Dragon, the fierce hunter and hair factory.

One thing that fascinates me about cats is their ability to sit and wait for things to happen. Dragon will watch his laser pointer (his favorite toy) for twenty minutes, just analyzing the situation and deciding how to best attack. In fact, he's so patient that it usually doesn't even pay off, because I get bored before he does and end the game. When he hunts outside, he stalks a bird/squirrel/whatever incessantly. He doesn't get annoyed when his prey doesn't do anything. He doesn't try to force it to let him chase it. He just waits for the right time, no matter how long it takes, and then he pounces.

I am so not like that. Patience is a lovely and wonderful thing, and it is not a natural gift of mine. I can't seem to sit and wait for things to come. I just want them to happen immediately so I don't have to dwell in the unpleasant place of waiting and hoping and being terrified something will go wrong. And yet... somehow things never come when I wish they would. For example, I'm ready to get married. I'm sick of waiting, although I'm the one who picked the wedding date. I just want it to be here - I want to have the wedding and the party and the honeymoon and the gifts and everything, but more importantly, I want to be married. The boy and I have been together for so long that we're just ready to seal the deal! And in this season of life, it seems like it's suddenly become very popular to have a relatively brief engagement - which means that we have to endure dozens of other couples beating us to the punch. I hear that the waiting sweetens the moment when it arrives, but right now, as I prepare to live in a half-furnished townhome for 4 months waiting for the moment when the other half of the furniture moves with the boy, and we can purchase new things together, as I dig through plans and vendors and deal with a dozen mini-crises at any moment, I'd sacrifice the building anticipation for the fulfillment.

When things take their time in coming, I have to resist the temptation to agonize over every moment. Every e-mail that doesn't come, every hour my phone log has no missed calls, every day that I make do without something I'm waiting on, I expect the worst. Why didn't he/she e-mail me yet? They must think I'm asking for too much. Why haven't my friends texted me back? Maybe they're mad at me because I've been so busy. What if I don't have what I need to make a decision today? Is my life going to be ruined?

The reality is, the Lord tells us to not let our hearts be troubled. This means, not only are we supposed to have faith that God loves us and works for the good of all of us, but also that we have a choice in the matter. Sadly, I don't get to write off my neurotic fears and impatience as a personality flaw. It's my responsibility to cultivate patience, to wait and to rest in the security that God is not secretly trying to screw me over. And when I say I put my trust in Christ, I'm supposed to, like, actually do that. I have a tendency to say, "Oh, yeah, I trust you, Lord. I know you're good and you love me and all things work to the good of those who love you etc," and then proceed to continue worrying and agonizing over every minute the thing I'm waiting for has not arrived. I try to fix it, to make whatever it is come faster. Of course, I can't. So instead I drive myself crazy and don't concentrate on work and I spend entirely too much time reading blogs on the subject of my impatience. And none of it helps, because I can't make time go faster, and I can't see what's happening in places where I'm not, and I can't predict the future, no matter how hard I try. And so finally, I do what I should have done and let my crazy mind have some genuine rest by throwing in the towel, giving up the ghost, what have you, and letting the Lord do whatever he's doing, and praying that I understand. I'm not in control, even when I think I am. What else can I do but take my cat as an example, and wait for God to bring me what I need?

Quotes

This isn't going to be a long and pensive blog post, don't worry. I just realized recently that I used to be pretty into quotes - inspirational quotes, movie lines, funny quotes - and now I just don't do that so much. I want to get back into quotes. Question for everyone: Do you like quotes, and, if so, where do you find them? How do you store them?

Last Saturday's brunch - veggie omelet and fresh muffins. Exciting!

To start this project, I am going to share a quote that I recently found that kind of kicked off the resolution to get back into quotes. It more or less sums up my entire life, and I can only hang my head in shame that I was unaware of it previously. I may get it on a canvas and hang it up in my kitchen. Also, based on my knowledge of the people who read this blog, it may sum up your life too! Maybe we can buy matching canvases.

“When you wake up in the morning, Pooh," said Piglet at last, 
"what's the first thing you say to yourself?"
"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh. "What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.
Pooh nodded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.”
― A.A. Milne


Have a super fantastic weekend, everyone!